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29 October 2008 @ 09:15 pm
Stevie's and the Silver Shirt [Harry Potter]  
Title: Stevie's and the Silver Shirt (aka The Night Fenrir Greyback Will Never Remember)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Summary: The Order has a very unusual meeting at a muggle bar on karaoke night. Sirius is buying shots, and the "adults," as Snape puts it, haven't shown. What sorts of trouble could they possibly get into? A little cracky, with fanservice. See the AN for more information.
Characters/Pairings: Snape/Hermione, Remus/Sirius
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
AN: Unbeta'd. The Snape/Hermione part as well as credit for the whole idea goes to kiyoko_iyakao. The inclusions of Hagrid and Fenrir are gifts for alwaysawkward and alohachary1851 respectively. The sparkly shirt is all mine, and I got it back from Fenrir when he was done with it, rest assured. I might bring it to the next Order meeting.
Word Count: 1454

Stevie's and the Silver Shirt

"Please," she pleaded with that smile of hers. "Please. It'll be one good memory to come out of this mess."

"Perhaps for you," he frowned at her, unamused. He peered around at the tables to see Black passing out alcohol to minors, Lupin stupidly clinging to his boyfriend like a girl, the Weasley twins acting more like boyfriends, and Ron Weasley following Potter around with more devotion than even his little sister Ginny-- currently hitting on a muggle boy at the juke box-- had ever mustered for the so-called Chosen One. Where were the adults to control this mess? Dumbledore? Minerva? Molly? Even Mundungus Fletcher could be considered an adult by comparison.

"For them, too. For them, especially." Hermione's eyes connected with Snape's. "You don't understand... Harry, Ron... Sirius, Lupin, they're all worn down. That's why we're here, you know. I can't even recall the last time I heard Harry laugh."

Severus desperately wanted to wipe the sudden sadness from Granger's face. He didn't much care about whether Potter was laughing, but Potter's mood had an obvious effect on Hermione's. Not only that, but Potter's black mood cast negative portents for the war. It may be a long one yet. Severus was too aware that he himself was at fault for Potter's lot in life, caught in a death lock with a Dark Lord. The boy wasn't near clear-headed or mature enough to deal with the situation.

Severus furrowed his brow and tried to think of a song he knew. This was a muggle bar, so he needed a muggle song, and he hadn't listened to a muggle song since... He sighed and got to his feet to speak to the man running the sound system.

****

Harry was obligingly downing the shots Sirius gave kept shuffling his way. He would never have known how drunk he was except that, when the karaoke began to play a fake-sounding 80's beat and an awkward Professor Snape moved his hips white-- was that snapping?-- Harry slid off his chair right onto the floor.

When the singing began, Snape crooning "We're no strangers to love... You know the rules, and so do I...", Harry collapsed full onto his side, unable to breath for laughing. He was under the table, crushed popcorn and nachos sticking to his clothes with the aid of long-spilled drinks. Suddenly, he brushed another rolling body. Harry scrambled to see who was sharing the small dark space with him, only to discover several others: Sirius and George, also thrashing in hilarity.

"Oh Merlin, she isn't!" Ron's cried from above. Harry made a valiant solitary attempt to climb out from under the table, though he ended up needing help from Ron, just in time to see Hermione join Snape on the stage. She was swaying, her hair flapping from side to side as Snape sang the classic 80's love song. She spun and snapped and Harry collapsed on the floor again, where this time he found Ginny squealing in delight. They groped around the table (and each other) and howled with laughter. Ron hit a chair and fell over. Fred followed, and Sirius started handing them all shots again, right where they sat on the sticky bar floor. Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Fred sobered up enough to join Sirius in a toast just as Snape, on the musical cue, "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down," threw off his cloak to reveal a shining sequined silver tank top underneath.

If the atmosphere in their corner of the muggle bar seemed wild before, it spun poitively out of control now. Sirius made a retching noise at the sight of Snape's suddenly exposed arms and the tight shiny black breeches.

"Those kevlar trousers leave too little to the imagination!" Sirius howled, sounding pained.

"That wasn't what you said about my pair," Lupin laughed. Harry laughed. Fred laughed. Ron laughed. Ginny squealed in something that might have been laughter or might have been sexual excitement.

The song came to an abrupt end and suddenly-- quite suddenly-- suspiciously suddenly really, and having left Snape's entire outfit behind on the stage-- Hermione and Snape were gone.

Fred made a crazed dive for the silver top, just as Harry turned to see Hagrid squeeze into the muggle bar.

"Hagrid," Harry called, dragging himself and Ron to their feet. "We have got to get Hagrid to do karaoke."

****

Hagrid tried to shed the odd feeling of having been followed as he navigated his way through the dark streets to the appointed muggle bar. The Order rarely chose to meet outside of 12 Grimmauld Place, but Stevie's was not likely to contain many Aurors or rogue Dementors looking for Sirius Black, and the escape con was driving everyone mad with his home confinement.

Hagrid barely fit through the door, but he didn't get as many surprised looks from the muggles as he would have expected. In fact, he was far from the only enormous, roughly-dressed, large-bearded man in the bar.

"Hagrid!" Harry ran over, his face red. "You just missed the most hilarious thing. It was Snape, and--"

"Merlin, he must have been Imperioused," Ron muttered over Harry's shoulder. The red-head was pink-cheeked and both looked as if they might have been drinking. Molly was nowhere in sight, whereas Sirius seemed to have changed a good bit of wizarding money into muggle cash, which he was generously exchanging with a short-skirted waitress in for trays of drinks in minuscule glasses.

Harry must have caught him watching. "Are you going to do shots? Sirius is buying!"

"Shots, well uh..." Hagrid didn't understand what was being asked of him.

"Yeah, check it out, this one..." Harry tried to drag Hagrid towards the table. Hagrid followed willingly, not wanting the lad to sprain anything in his determined dragging attempt.

Harry plucked up a glass happily and downed it in one gulp. He followed that by... pouring some sort of liquid down his throat from a plastic bottle!

"Wait now-- Harry, what--"

"It's called a chocolate Christmas tree. My dad made it up!" Harry was shining with pride. "Try it!"

"Hagrid!" Sirius shouted, suddenly realizing he was there. "Boys," Sirius was gesturing towards Fred and George, "pour Hagrid a pint of that." They had a pitcher of some muggle beer down their end and obliged him happily.

"Hagrid, Hagrid," Sirius was shouting now. "You just missed the most hilarious-- Snivellus was--" Sirius became unintelligible as he collapsed into another fit of laughter.

George passed a mug of beer and a sequin tank top. "I've charmed it bigger," George called. "Sirius! Sirius, we should get Hagrid--"

"Hagrid, yes!" Harry chirped.

"Bloody brilliant," Ron mumbled.

Before Hagrid knew what was going on, a silver sequined shirt was being fitted over his head by the Weasley twins and someone was shoving a microphone into his hand. "Uuuh."

"Sing!" Harry shouted.

Hagrid didn't know many songs, so he sang a lullaby his Da had loved, about sailing on the sea. The bar turned unusually quiet while Hagrid sang the haunting shanty.

"Wow," Harry breathed when Hagrid was done. "I didn't know you could si--"

"Greyback." Lupin's voice was barely a whisper, but it cut through the boisterous chatter at their table more efficiently than any shout could have. Lupin had gone tense and was staring at the door.

"What?" Sirius' anger boiled up through his good mood like lava from a volcano, and he shot to his feet. Many pairs of hands restrained him.

"Aye, I musta been followed," Hagrid frowned. "Thought somethin' was off."

"'S alright, I promise I won't do any magic," Sirius' voice was low and dangerous despite his claim, but everyone released him nonetheless. Everyone except Lupin.

Sirius quietly called the waitress over. "See that man by the door? We'll order him a quadruple cowboy ass-stinger and, here, George, can you get the shirt from Hagrid? I think our uninvited friend owes us a song."

Grins slowly spread around the table. "Coming right up," the waitress answered.

"Ah, Stevie's," Sirius smiled.

"Do you think it's wise to provoke him?" Remus asked.

"After that drink, he won't remember it anyway." Sirius raised a tiny glass of liquor. "But oh, I will. And so would his toilet if he had one." He thrust the alcohol into the air and invited everyone else to do the same. "To Fenrir Greyback vomiting into the mud pit he calls a home."

"To Greyback vomiting," voices answered all around.

"Do you suppose any of these muggles has eye drops on them?" Remus inquired quietly of Sirius.

Sirius laughed heartily. "It is worth asking."

"Your eyes dry?" Harry asked.

Remus smiled merrily. "Something like that. Be a good lad, Harry, and ask around for your old professor."

Harry nodded dutifully and wandered off.

Sirius looked outright gleeful. Hagrid didn't know why eye drops would do that for him, but it was good to see the man so carefree and happy for once.

"So," Remus asked Hagrid, "Did you like karaoke then?"
 
 
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cris: pic#77911486mikeyraygun on October 30th, 2008 02:33 am (UTC)
HAGRID. SINGING.

well that's really all you need. xD this cracked me up!!
Bloody Jack Flint: Highlander: Amanda Hushrhye on October 30th, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
Yay :)
(Deleted comment)
Bloody Jack Flint: Highlander: Amanda Hushrhye on October 30th, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
Your comment made me lol. That's sort of what I was going for, rick-rolling :)
my name is jonas: [doctah] freema laughingalwaysawkward on October 30th, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
HURRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

This was the most amazing thing to ever come out of a Hogsmeade weekend... lol
Bloody Jack Flint: Highlander: Amanda Hushrhye on October 30th, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
*blush* yay.
brighty18: Blackbrighty18 on October 30th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
a quadruple cowboy ass-stinger
OMG! This is hilarious! I would pay big money to see Snape sing... BIG money! And I love how HAPPY Sirius and Remus are.
Bloody Jack Flint: Highlander: Amanda Hushrhye on October 30th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
Re: a quadruple cowboy ass-stinger
I'm sorry I can't quite deliver on Snape singing in real life. I don't own arick... yet. I'm saving up, but he's not at the top of my list of celebs to buy, either.

Of course they're happy! They are drunk and together and surrounded by friends :) The way I like to think of them.
damnthesausages on October 30th, 2008 09:46 am (UTC)
i don't think i'll ever listen to rick astley the same way again. *snorts then rofl* oh god, i'm gonna have silver-shirted snape nightmares now! *collapses from laughter overload*
Bloody Jack Flint: Highlander: Amanda Hushrhye on October 30th, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC)
Nor should you! Feel free to borrow said shirt should you ever need to use it for your own malicious purposes ^^
damnthesausages on October 30th, 2008 09:07 pm (UTC)
i'd probably give it to draco and then my pratty ex-boyfriend. Draco should have a sparkly silver shirt. All the malfoys should. In fact voldie should make it a death eater uniform *am rambling now*... Oh my.
crypticmadness on October 30th, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
...
I will never look at Snape the same way again.
Kris: Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtiskuro_nyoko on October 30th, 2008 10:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, man. Snape Rick Rolling the whole Order at once. Priceless. xD